I just finished reading the book "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon. The main character, Christopher, has Asperger's Syndrome. In addition to many other social and emotional challenges, Christopher needs everything to be in an exact and logical order. As Christopher says, "I liked things to be in a nice order. And one way of things being in a nice order was to be logical. Especially if those things were numbers or an argument." Christopher has precise systems for his life, precise orders that he follows every day. For example, he has Good Days and Black Days. On the bus to school, when he sees 4 red cars in a row, it's a Good Day, but when he sees 4 yellow cars in a row, it's a Black Day. There are also Quite Good Days and Super Good Days. Christopher says, "Mr. Jeavons asked me whether this made me feel safe, having things always in a nice order, and I said it did." Having everything in a nice order, scheduled and planned out, makes Christopher feel safe. I think that everyone has small things that help them feel safe and comfortable.
Christopher makes a timetable of his daily life (down to the minute) and he feels safe because he always knows what to do. In a way, he doesn't have to decide what to do, because it is already decided for him. Personally, I am a little like Christopher. I feel safer and more comfortable when I make checklists of things I have to do. This way, I will not forget what to do and then have to remember it last minute. I feel calm and ready when I am sure that I will get everything done.
When Christopher does not feel safe, he screams and groans, often making a scene in public. I believe that he does this because he does not know what else to do with himself, and he is frightened by a lack of order. When I don't have a checklist, I don't groan or scream. My reaction is more internal. I get really stressed and I get nervous and anxious. Sometimes I actually start wringing my hands, a physical sign that I feel not in control. I don't feel as confident with what I am doing because I don't have a checklist so I don't know what to do.
Everyone has a way that they like their life to be. Everybody feels safe around certain things. And everyone will be in situations sometimes in which they don't feel safe or comfortable. In those situations, after we have calmed down our stress, and after we've stopped groaning and screaming, we need to remember that everyone goes through this and that the people around us may not feel as safe as they look. We need to remember that it's okay to not have our preferred system of life all the time, and it's something that everyone has to deal with.
* I put some words in bold because in the book, Mark Haddon puts these words in bold.
talia, i agree with you. everyone has a way that they want their life to be like but they also know that they is unrealistic. great job.
ReplyDeleteI really agree with you Talia. Basically everyone wants to feel safe, that's fairly obvious. People tend to have whatever habits they can do that make them feel comfortable. Like you, i feel more comfortable when I know I'm organized, whether thats checklists or knowing I haven't forgotten anything. Sometimes people are going to think you're weird because of some silly habit, but i also think thats part of what makes people themselves and people need to accept those things. Christopher just can't help it and i do not think that is at all his fault.
ReplyDeleteTalia, I also agree with you! I have read the books and ive noticed that he definitely widely expresses his feelings. Thats also part of his aspergers though. I also know exactly what you are talking about; i tend to feel very stressed when I'm not organized as well. I also have nervous habits that happen when Im nervous, anxious or even just bored. I feel that it is very important to feel safe, and that you should always try to keep yourself calm. Great post! :)
ReplyDeleteLike you said, everybody has ways that they get organized. For me, it's having a clean room. When my room isn't clean, I don't freak out like Christopher does, but I certainly am more irritable and stressed. Not everyone shows outward signs of stress like Christopher does, but everyone is stressed sometimes and has different ways of dealing with it. The only difference is that Christopher's habits are more rigid and noticeable than other people's might be.
ReplyDeleteOh yay so many comments! Sophie and Molly's comments made me think about the impact that Asperger's has on Christopher's reactions. It's interesting that we all experience the same sort of stress and anxiety that Christopher does. He's still a normal person, just his Asperger's causes him to outwardly express his fear and uncomfortable feelings.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! I also think that everyone does have their own way of feeling safe. I am actually like you and christopher as well because i get stressed out and nervous when I realize that i have done something wrong or forgot something really important. I think of the future and what consequences i will get because of my mistake. I think that's mainly what gets me nervous and that's when i start to feel "unsafe."
ReplyDeleteI totally agree talia! I know i sometimes make big deals about being ready and organized for a day. sometimes i even tend to plan out my day just so it goes perfectly. which to other people might find annoying or useless but i cant spend a day without knowing whats going to happen. as you said it makes me feel safe also because then i know that nothing can go wrong.
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