Preparing for Bad News

I am currently reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. The main character, Lily, a fourteen year old girl in the '60's, embarks on a journey to Tiburon, South Carolina. She goes there because her mother died when she was little, and she knows that her mother once vacationed there, so Lily wants to experience the city. Lily has many unanswered questions about her mother. Lily stays with three wonderful African American sisters (in their forties) named August, June, and May. They grow very close. All of the time that they stay together, Lily lies about who she is and where she comes from. In the middle of the story, Lily learns that the three sisters knew her mother. Still, she is too scared to ask about her mother, fearing that she will get an answer that she doesn't want to hear, such as that he mother left her. Sometimes, we shy away from news that we don't know if we want to hear.

Finally, Lily tells August everything about herself and who she is. August lets out that she knew the whole time who Lily was. She had known Lily's mother and there was an obvious resemblance. August unfortunately confirms that Lily's mother left her. When Lily asks why she didn't tell her before, August says that she was waiting until Lily was ready. At first, Lily feels betrayed that August kept this secret. Lily says that she is "uncertain whether I felt anger, or betrayal, or just plain surprise." Sometimes, we have to receive bad news. We have to just keep moving, even if we don't know what negative emotions we are feeling.

Then August says one of the most meaningful quotes I've ever heard. She says, "I wanted you to have a chance to get yourself on solid ground, get your heart bolstered up first. There's a fullness of time for things, Lily. You have to know when to prod and when to be quiet, when to let things take their course. That's what I've been trying to do." To me, this quote means that when August first met Lily, Lily was insecure. She was scared and curious and unstable. August knew that it was a bad time to tell her a secret. August waited until Lily was stable, when she was ready to receive whatever was coming her way. That's when August decided to tell her that her mother left her.

I think that in any point in life, knowing that your mother left you is devastating. It will rip you apart no matter what. I do respect August, though, for doing what she could. August was considerate enough not to throw this at Lily before Lily was prepared. August did what any person should do, which is to monitor the person's stability, and when they are prepared to take bad news, just say it. It's definitely much better than never knowing secrets, just because it's hard.

It is very hard to make decisions on whether or not to give someone bad news. I think that I will try doing what August does. I will try to make sure the person is ready for the news. I would not want to catch them off-guard.

How do you think people should receive bad news? Should secrets be kept?